Wednesday, March 29, 2006

this researching life ... frustrations

I'm just going to say that this research gig is much more challenging that I thought it might be. Or the whole academic treadmill is much more annoying that I imagined. My life at present seems to be one endless round of meeting and minutes and agendas and following up this silly problem or that issue. I just want to do my own work! It gets really frustrating and I'm actually really unhappy about what seems to be my inability to take control and stop the spiral continuing.

1. I feel like crap because I can never seem to read enough. I'm always coming across new stuff and adding it to the 10 mile high pile. Then I talk to someone or read something (occasionally I do read!) and I'll see a reference and remember that I promised myself I'd read it months ago.

2. I'm not writing much PhD stuff at the moment. I should be hard at it, but I'm tied up writing stupid reports for all the damn committees I'm on. Irony is that I tried really hard to turn down all the sessional work I'm usually offered at the beginning of semesters and did a great job. Mind you I pissed quite a few people off in the process and might have burned a few bridges, but I've gone and done all this other crap that is taking just as much time.

3. I'm not exercising as much as I need to, so I feel like crap b/c of that as well. I'm finding it hard to get up early and get into work before 9-9.30ish. I mean I have Austen a couple of mornings a week and that makes things more difficult - more enjoyable b/c we get to hang out, but I sometimes feel like I should be doing more - I always feel like I should be doing more.

4. I'm feeling disorganised and things are getting on top of me in other areas as well.


what a pathetic whinger!

I'm usually not this naked on this blog. I don't care.


At 12:10 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

where are you naked?

At 12:42 pm, Blogger Scott said...

Oh my, let me clarify! I mean open, yeah open and honest or something like that ... that that I'm dishonest mind you, I guess I usually don't blog when I'm frustrated. I did this a lot when I was teaching fulltime, but I don't feel the need to do this much anymore. This post kind of snuck out without me realising it.

At 2:38 pm, Blogger Nat said...

Hey there Scott, don't feel paranoid about the nakedness -- well, you already know what my blog is and has been like in the past and I'm all for letting it all hang out! In some ways you're better off venting to the world than anyone else. Wow! I had no idea all this was going on, but I really do feel for you. I don't claim to truly understand all the *particular* frustrations you have at the moment, but oooh boy can I sympathise with the general feelings of inadequacy in most areas. Even the exercise thing I can totally understand because that's exactly how I feel at the moment too! (Last time I did any real exercise was... let's see... about two months ago.) It sounds to me like you've overcommitted yourself. You need to drop some of those committees you're on, man! And as for promising yourself you'd get to this and that reading material... well, surely you know deep down it's a lost cause. You WON'T get to all that material and you don't even need to.
Huh. The way I'm talking, you'd think I had my life in order or something. I guess I can just say all this from the perspective of someone who a few weeks ago was seriously considering chucking it in at the end of this semester because I was so stressed out. But I'm a bit calmer now, so hopefully I can offer some encouragement of the variety that was given to me by the people who mattered. Hang in there, Scott! You're doing a great job.

At 2:14 pm, Blogger vix said...

Oh my! What a hard life you have! Do your own work and tell THEM you are doing your own work and their work will simply have to be your work in a different face. Get it!!


At 9:29 pm, Blogger Scott said...

Thanks everyone. I'm over it now and getting on with stuff ... slowly of course. Great to have your support and honesty!


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